“I am an accomplice in my own frustration…” – Peter Shaffer

The last couple of days have been difficult for me. I’ve been thinking a lot of things that I’m not overly sure how to vocalize, which is incredibly frustrating to me because I have people that will (and want to) listen. I guess I’ve just felt like a bad person. There really isn’t another way to say it. I feel like I’m a brat, someone that is extremely judgmental, and selfish.

These are all things that I never want to be! Or at least things that I don’t want to associate fully with my personality. Everyone is judgmental and selfish at times, and the brat comes out in all of us at some point, but I feel like it’s more often for me than others.

I know comparing myself to another person is not good. It takes all kinds of people to make the world an interesting place, right? But like… would it kill me to reply to a group text message so I don’t hurt someone’s feelings? Even if they don’t mention hurt feelings, showing excitement for another person, which literally takes 30 seconds of my time, is something that I should do.

And getting rid of the inner judgment of others when they do things that I wouldn’t do, or heaven forbid, DIFFERENTLY than I would do… Or something that I don’t understand WHY they’d do it… I don’t know. I’m not even sure if this makes sense, truthfully, just needed a place to get the words out where I could delete as needed when I DIDN’T make sense… and not worry about trying to make it coherent for anyone else.

I’m going to keep this in the forefront of my mind and work on these things that bother me, so hopefully, I can overcome them.


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